...and so this was Christmas

Another Christmas come and gone and, as Mom says every year, this had to be the best Christmas yet. The to-do list was getting long and yes I was starting to feel slightly overwhelmed there at the end, but Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were just wonderful. The whole family was at my parent's house Christmas Eve and we spent the evening talking and eating and laughing and opening gifts. At one point, about midway through the evening, Ashley got rather emotional and started crying and she and Robert went out for a short walk. I had assumed it was something like she was missing her boyfriend and was wishing she was there (the Atlanta area). But when I talked to Robert later I learned it was nothing like that. She was crying because she was so happy to be there. Because she was seeing first hand what a "normal" family Christmas was like. She saw people who obviously cared about each other. I think it was tinged with a little sadness over the absence of any real relationship with her own mother, but for the most part she was just happy being where she was. What a good feeling to be able to share my family with her.

Moments like that definitely temper my ever-growing concern (and frustration) at her lack of initiative. Lack of maturity. Lack of independence. I believe she has become quite comfortable in her current situation (living with me and Robert) and that has made her complacent. This "temporary" situation has no end in sight. This was meant to be a way to help her get on her feet but she's making no effort. That's going to change very soon. Robert and I have talked and decided it's time for the three of us to sit down and set some goals. She's had three months of living like a teenager (and we definitely feel as though we are living with a teenager) but the fact is - she is not a teenager. She's going on 22 and it's time to start making an effort to establish herself and make her own way. I think the current situation only reinforces the "teenage mindset" of carefree, responsibility-free living. Dinner appears on the table every night, the household bills are paid, the groceries just magically appear in the pantry... No, it's time she takes some real steps to getting on her own. We gave her the time and opportunity to make those first steps and show some initiative but she didn't step up to the plate. So now it's going to have to be put down for her in black and white. Her are your goals, here is a timetable, and here's how to make it happen.

When Robert and I first discussed Ashley coming to stay with us I envisioned an adult coming to stay. A twenty-one year old yound woman her had, for all intent and purpose, been on her own for the past several years. I certainly did not expect to be in a parental role. But, we jokingly say that we have a teenage kid living with us. Well, only half jokingly because sometimes it's not all that funny.