Rules for Living in Jacksonville

So many of these float around for almost any city or state. A co-worker sent me these for Jacksonville (my home) and I got such a laugh from some of them. Thought I would share:

1. You are either a Gator or a Seminole. You have no choice. If you abstain, you will be assigned a team. There are no other schools. It's better to learn this sooner than later.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. No one pays attention to them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign terms.
3. To find anything in Jacksonville it is required that you know where The Avenues Mall is. It is the Alpha and the Omega; the beginning and the end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour is from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
6. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd., but they both run North and South.
7. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road and Post Street are all the same road.
8. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jacksonville. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
9. The minimum acceptable speed on J. Turner Butler Blvd. is 75 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version of NASCAR.
10. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
11. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be treated accordingly.
12. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
13. There are really only two seasons here: Summer and January.
14. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may get caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left turn lane."
15. You can buy a million dollar condo downtown on the river but you have to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
16. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit there will be a whole new set of restaurants and fewer stores. And less parking.
17. North Phillips Highway. Don't go there. Ever. Unless, of course, you are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
18. Convenience stores are literally EVERYWHERE. Unless you live in a million dollar condo downtown on the river.